Creative Marketing

I got the following letter in the mail not long ago:


Our love began with a glance across a parking lot.
You possessed me in just a few days.
I remember long drives through the countryside,
And long weekend getaways.

But the years passed, and like upholstery in the hot sun,
Your love began to fade.
And now in a time when I need your care the most,
You hit the blinker and turn away.

And while our gas tank of love may be running on fumes,
I still have plenty of love to share.
So if you have a quart of tenderness left for me in your heart,
Take me back to Firestone Complete Auto Care.


Your 2000 Celica GT

I didn’t know my car felt that way.  It’s been over a month, and I’ve yet to take my car back to Firestone.  Now there’s an awkward silence every time I get in the car.  Someone else who got a similar letter from their car decided to write back.

Quote of the Day

(Don’t expect the “Quote of the Day” to be a daily thing.)

“We are now in our fourth consecutive decade in which both of our major political parties are just totally FED UP with Washington. I frankly don’t see how Washington can survive this onslaught much longer.” -Dave Barry


“Weird Al” Yankovic is an amazing talent.  One of my favorite videos is “Bob.”  Despite being a non-stop string of palindromes, it makes about as much sense as the original.

Here is the original Bob Dylan video, “Subterranean Homesick Blues.”

Biblical Humor

Do you ever read something in the Bible that strikes you as funny? I’m convinced that God has a sense of humor, and I think that parts of the Bible are intended to be humorous. Other parts (such as Jeremiah 13:1-7) might not be intended to be funny, but sound funny to us.

It has occurred to me when reading the Gospels that when Jesus told parables, He might have told some of them as a comedian might tell a joke. Just try to picture Jesus using different voices and acting out his stories. Large crowds of people followed Jesus, but few understood His parables; perhaps some just hung around because He was entertaining. I don’t know, it’s just a thought.

Noticing humor in the Bible can make reading the Bible more enjoyable, but also is an aid in getting to know the Bible better and remembering where things are. If you find anything funny in the Bible, or have some Bible jokes, I’d be interested in hearing them so I can add to my list.  Here’s a handful of corny “Bible Jokes.”

The first passage is probably what made me think of the idea of finding humor in the Bible.  I first saw this passage in a men’s dorm bathroom at Taylor University.  Someone had printed it on a piece of paper and stuck it to the door of one of the stalls.

“Jeremiah’s Linen Shorts” (Jeremiah 13:1-7, modified KJV)

Thus saith the LORD unto me, Go and get thee some linen shorts, and wear them, but do not wash them. So I got some linen shorts according to the word of the LORD, and I wore them. And the word of the LORD came unto me the second time, saying, Take the shorts that thou hast got, which thou art wearing, and arise, go to Euphrates, and hide them there in a hole of the rock. So I went, and hid them by Euphrates, as the LORD commanded me. And it came to pass after many days, that the LORD said unto me, Arise, go to Euphrates, and take the shorts from thence, which I commanded thee to hide there. Then I went to Euphrates, and digged, and took the shorts from the place where I had hid them: and, behold, the shorts were marred, they were profitable for nothing.

“Arameans Hear Things” (2 Kings 7:5-7, NIV)

At dusk they got up and went to the camp of the Arameans. When they reached the edge of the camp, not a man was there, for the Lord had caused the Arameans to hear the sound of chariots and horses and a great army, so that they said to one another, “Look, the king of Israel has hired the Hittite and Egyptian kings to attack us!” So they got up and fled in the dusk and abandoned their tents and their horses and donkeys. They left the camp as it was and ran for their lives.

“EXTRA!! EXTRA!! Hit Men Begin Prophesying! Read all about it!” (1 Sam. 19:20-23, NIV)

[Saul is trying to kill David] so he sent men to capture him. But when they saw a group of prophets prophesying, with Samuel standing there as their leader, the Spirit of God came upon Saul’s men and they also prophesied. Saul was told about it, and he sent more men, and they prophesied too. Saul sent men a third time, and they also prophesied. Finally, he himself left for Ramah and went to the great cistern at Secu. And he asked, “Where are Samuel and David?” “Over in Naioth at Ramah,” they said. So Saul went to Naioth at Ramah. But the Spirit of God came even upon him, and he walked along prophesying until he came to Naioth.

“The Israelite Bathroom” (2 Kings 10:27, NIV)

They demolished the sacred stone of Baal and tore down the temple of Baal, and people have used it for a latrine to this day.

Bible Jokes

Most of these are pretty corny, but some are kind of clever.

Hover over the “answer” link to see the answers.  (If your browser doesn’t show link titles, let me know.)

Name the only person in the Bible without parents.  answer

Who is the shortest person on the Bible? answer

Who was the fastest person in the Bible? answer

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? answer

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? answer

What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? answer

Who was the first drug addict in the Bible? answer

Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? answer

Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? answer

How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? answer

What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out? answer

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? answer

The ark was built in 3 stories, and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories? answer

Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? answer

Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? answer

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? answer

How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? answer

Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? answer

What is the first recorded case of constipation in the Bible? answer