Sleeping arrangements

What happens when an unmarried Christian couple (boyfriend and girlfriend) want to go on a trip together? Is it okay to stay in a hotel? Do they need to book separate rooms, or can they share a room?

In my opinion, there are two issues to be considered:

1. The issue of “appropriateness” versus “impropriety.”

2. The issue of temptation.

As a Christian, it’s a given that sexual acts (including, but not limited to, intercourse) are reserved for marriage. Engaging in such acts is sinful for those who are unmarried. There are also behaviors that are not necessarily wrong, but may result in being tempted towards behavior that would be wrong. For example, sleeping in the same bed, while not a sin itself, would open the door for lots of temptation, and put “forbidden fruit” within easy grasp, making it easy to succumb to temptation. Therefore sleeping in the same bed is a bad idea because of the issue of temptation. Also, even if two individuals were entirely confident in their ability to resist temptation, most people would agree that it would be inappropriate, in the same way that co-habitation prior to marriage is inappropriate. Even in the absence of any sexual behavior, sharing a bed is a very intimate arrangement, and that type of intimacy should probably be reserved for those who are married.

Sleeping in separate beds in the same room provides less opportunity for temptation, but still may allow for too much temptation to be a good choice. Particularly if there is no sofa or loveseat in the room, it would be quite easy to start out with the two individuals sitting on top of one bed talking or watching TV, and then the one invididual never makes it over to his/her own bed, which puts them right back into the problem described above. Most would agree that sharing a bedroom is inappropriate, just as sharing the same bed is inappropriate.

With separate sleeping quarters, one of the individuals must leave to “go to bed,” which greatly reduces the temptation that results from sharing the same sleeping quarters. From a temptation standpoint, my opinion is that separate rooms are called for. This could be separate bedrooms at the home of friends or family, a separate room in a hotel suite, or separate individual rooms in a hotel. In my view there is not a substantial difference between a separate room divided by a doorway and a separate room down the hall. There should be no more temptation or opportunity for temptation than spending time together normally at one individual’s house or apartment.

Wild at Heart

It seems that whenever someone or something becomes popular, it’s never long before the attacks begin. The Christian subculture is no exception. Perhaps the logic goes something like this: “I’m teaching the truth, and I’m not popular. Therefore, the truth cannot be popular. Hence, if something is popular, there must be something wrong with it.” Another possibility is that sometimes a new perspective challenges people to change what they are doing. If someone is convinced that they are doing things the right way, then they may feel the need to poke holes in the viewpoint that expresses a need for change.

I can’t defend everything John Eldredge says, and I’ll admit that some of what he says leaves me a little uneasy. I’ve also been challenged and refreshed by the two books of his that I’ve read (Wild at Heart and Waking the Dead). After reading a very critical review of Wild at Heart, I wrote the following response:

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Finances

Some thoughts on financial management, budgeting, getting out of debt, etc.

It takes time. You need to be organized, and take the time to keep track of your finances.

It can seem overwhelming at first. When someone is thousands of dollars in debt, sometimes they would rather just not think about it. That only makes the situation worse, because if you don’t figure out exactly how much you make and how much you owe, you cannot create a plan to get out of debt.

First steps:

1. Net Worth: Know where all your money is, and how much there is.
-Some people have multiple checking/savings accounts, and may not even know how much is in each account. Consolidate multiple accounts. Use your bank’s website to keep tabs on your account balances.

2. Income: Figure out how much you make. (net salary, after taxes, on a monthly basis)
-Don’t include overtime or odd jobs if they can’t be counted on for regular income.

3. Expenses: List all of your regular expenses. (mortgage/rent, car payments, other loan payments, utility bills, phone/cable/internet, magazines, food, gas, etc.)
-For expenses that don’t occur once a month, figure out the monthly equivalent. (expenses for total year, divided by 12)

4. Liabilities: Add up all past due bills. (we’ll come back to this one after Step 5)
-List your debts in ascending order, for the smallest amount owed to the largest amount
-Be aware of interest rates, late fees, service charges, etc.

5. Balance your budget.
If your expenses (#3) are more than your income (#2), then you need to aggressively reduce your expenses and/or increase your income. Increasing your income isn’t always within your control, but reducing expenses usually is. TV, internet, cell phones, magazines, movies, etc., are all optional expenses that may need to be eliminated. You may need to find strategies to save on gas money and food. You may decide you can’t afford your current car or residence, and need to trade down. You may need to find a second job. Do whatever it takes to make sure that your income is greater than your expenses.

6. Manage expenses.
Now that you have a budget that allows you to live within your means, you need some structure to keep your spending under control to make sure you stick to your budget. This is why keeping track of your spending habits is important, so you don’t get to the end of the month and realize (too late) that you’re out of money. Many people find it helpful to use an envelope system. At the beginning of each month, take out the budgeted amount of cash for food, gas, entertainment, and other discretionary expenses, and put each amount in it’s own envelope. Use only the allotted cash to make your purchases (don’t write checks or use your credit card). If your food money runs low, you’ll have to eat peanut butter and jelly for a while. If your gas money runs low, you’ll have to stay close to home for a while. If you don’t use all your gas money in a given month, don’t just blow it on something else: save it, or use it to pay off debt.

7. Pay down debt.
While you’re creating your budget in Step 5, it’s important to not just have your expenses be equal to your income, but to have your expenses be less than your income. This excess income is used to create savings and pay off accumulated debt. It is often recommended to eliminate your smallest debts first, and work your way up, but sometimes the debt with the highest interest rate or highest late fees should get top priority. Once a debt is payed off, don’t treat the money you were paying as being freed up for other expenses, roll it over into paying off the next debt.

This is the step that people are often the most worried about, but without doing Steps 1 through 6, Step 7 will never happen.

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God’s Word

2 Tim 3:16
All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;

2 Pet 1:21
for no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.

2 Sam 23:2
The Spirit of the LORD spoke by me, and His word was on my tongue.

Act 1:16
Brethren, the Scripture had to be fulfilled, which the Holy Spirit foretold by the mouth of David concerning Judas, who became a guide to those who arrested Jesus.

Act 3:18
But the things which God announced beforehand by the mouth of all the prophets, that His Christ would suffer, He has thus fulfilled.

Act 28:25
And when they did not agree with one another, they began leaving after Paul had spoken one parting word, “The Holy Spirit rightly spoke through Isaiah the prophet to your fathers,

These and other passages in the Bible make it very clear that the prophets, and indeed ALL of Scripture, is God’s Message, not just a “God approved” message from men. Today we see a movie or read a fictional book that is “inspired by a true story.” Someone gets an idea, or is “inspired” by something or someone, and develops the idea into something bigger. That is not the case with Scripture. God did not just ignite the spark of an idea and men ran with it, He provided the entire Message.

What I’m not so sure about, is whether God chose the specific words and sentence structure in the original language (divinely written–all the writer did was move the pen), or whether He gave the writer the liberty to choose how to phrase it (divinely inspired–the writer put God’s Message in his own words).

Homosexuality

I’ve been thinking a little more about the distinction between “homosexual identity” and “homosexual activity.” I’m confident that the latter is wrong, and trying to figure out what the correct response should be to the former. However, I think it’s a mistake to try to shape my beliefs about identity solely based upon my beliefs about activity; that strikes me as a backwards approach. Our identity in Christ is not defined by a list of do’s and dont’s; rather, the commands that God gives to us are a result of our identity.

So, I don’t want to reach the conclusion that homosexual activity is wrong simply because the Bible condemns it. I would like to first ascertain what God’s intention is for our sexual identity, and then see what that tells us about proper sexual activity.

The Bible tells us right from the beginning that God created humans as either male or female (Gen 1:27), and it was intended that they be united as one (Gen 2:24). Jesus confirms this in Matt 19:4-5 and Mark 10:6-8, and Paul repeats it in Eph 5:31. Both Paul and Peter give instructions for proper husband and wife relationships on numerous occasions (I Cor. 7, I Cor 11, Eph 5, I Tim 2, I Pet 3, etc.). We also see marriage touched on in Proverbs and Song of Solomon; and through the prophets, some of Jesus’ parables, Revelation, etc., we see the symbolism that marriage gives us of our relationship to Christ.

Based on what I see in the Bible, it seems pretty clear to me that God has distinct roles for men and women, and intends for our sexual identity to be heterosexual in nature, and for marriage to be between a man and a woman. To behave otherwise distorts the proper view of ourselves, each other, and God. Hence, the verses that condemn homosexual activity are consistent with the sexual identity the God intended for us.

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